KDE 4 Review

My First Impressions Of KDE4

Test System:

AMD 5600+ 64 X2 2.8 Ghz

Running 2.6.22-14-generic 64-Bit Kernel.

ASRock ALiveNF7G-HDready motherboard using nForce 630A MCP chipset

Onboard GeForce 7050 videocard outputting to an old 19" Dell CRT monitor @ 1280 x 1024 @ 85 Hz using binary nVidia driver direct from nVidia website.

4G DDR2 800Mhz RAM w/ 256M shared with onboard video

So I went ahead and jumped into testing out the next major release of the K Desktop Environment: Version 4. I was told by a number of people that this would not be the release to base an opinion on in regards to the KDE 4 series, but they did release it out of beta and into the mainstream, so I decided to give it a whirl.

Now, I am a KDE person. I've tried Gnome and used it for a long time. I got really into Linux by way of (of course) Ubuntu and since Gnome was the default desktop for Ubuntu, I stuck with it for months and months. Almost a year, I'd say! But then little by little KDE won me over. It just seems to be a lot more functional, stylish, configurable and (at least for me), crashes a lot less. Of course, that last part is strictly my experience and I can't say that Gnome is a buggy window manager. Regardless, KDE is my friend and I no longer install Gnome on any of my computers, it's always KDE now. So I am pretty used to KDE as an end user and wanted to really see the differences between KDE 3.5.8 (My current version) and KDE4.

The instructions I used to install were very straight forward and required very little in way of user knowledge of the shell. It installs as an option in the session picker in the login screen where you choose your window manager (Gnome, KDE, KDE 4, XFCE, etc). So I logged out of KDE 3.5, chose KDE 4 as my Window Manager for that session and away we go.

The first thing I noticed was the new splash screen. It looks a lot more polished. It is a darker theme and makes heavy use of blacks. KDE 3.5 was very heavy on blue or white on blue or grey on blue. KDE 4 works with blue on black which is a nice change. As we got into the window manager, the background they choice is also nice: A blue swirl pattern (that I immediately changed for one of my own). Loading KDE4 was very fast. I would put it under 2 seconds from hitting enter at login to being shown the useful tip (yes, KDE4 shows Useful Tips (a.k.a Tip Of The Day)). I don't remember if KDE 3.5 did that, though I don't think it did. I could be wrong though. The startup sounds were quite nice too. Very pleasant (though scary since I had my speakers up all the way for some reason).

I closed the tooltip and was left with the desktop, which is where I wanted to be, of course. First I noticed the icons. Each icon sits on a dark background above the background.

When a MouseOver occurs on the icons, the icon brightens and a light background surrounds the dark background and the user has a little icon menu to the left of the icon itself.

The first icon (the wrench) gives you the properties for the file (General, Permission, Preview). The second icon allows you to freely resize and rotate the icon, though the icon will not get any smaller than the original size. The third icon (the 'X') seems to delete the file (and in this case I think I just deleted my SAMBA Manual PDF file). There are no tooltips to tell you what functions these mini-icons serve.

When I get a directory listing for ~/Desktop, I see that the file I thought I just deleted is still sitting there on the desktop, though now I have no idea how to un-hide it.

The desktop also contains an icon hiding in the top right corner that allows you to add widgets to the desktop. Clicking on it brings up a list of 11 widgets that I can add, but many of which are already on the desktop (like the application launcher, new device notifier, System Tray, etc). For now, this does not seem very useful and the "Get New Widgets" button is greyed out. Perhaps it will be enabled later?

The task bar is black in KDE4, which of course goes along with the theme of KDE4. When I right click on the task bar, I am given two options: "Task Manager Settings" and "Remove This Task Manager". When I go to Task Manager Settings, the only option is to show or not show tooltips. Since it is already checked, I just hit OK and we go on. (In KDE 3.5, there are of course a bunch of options one can choose from, most importantly being to configure panel which gives a plethora of options. ) So it looks as though this part of KDE 4 is still incomplete.

The only items appearing on the taskbar to the right are the system clock, the klipper clipboard tool and an application that shows which external devices are connected via USB.

I did have on major issue with the taskbar/panel. Some applications, when I load them, appear almost black on the panel while others have no problem. An example is KLibido, the KDE newsgroup binary downloader. (Of course, as I write this blog, the behavior has changed and the graphic appears normal on the taskbar.) Watch out for this visual bug.

The application launcher has been reworked and now seems to be sectioned.

When we click on the big K, we get 5 sections: "Favorites", "Applications", "Computer", "Recently Used" and "Leave". When we hover over any one of them, the corresponding information pops up above. The section descriptions are self explanatory. But when you go to Applications, you get a top level menu for your basic application types (Internet, Utilities, Graphics, etc) and when you hover or click on those, you get another menu that replaces (not pops up next to) that menu with the applications in that sublevel. To get back to the previous level, there's a small bar to the left of the menu you need to hover or click on. To me, that's somewhat irritating, though some may like it. The other thing that irritates me about this new way of doing things is that when you get to the application level you want, you are not given the applications by their names (for instance, if I want FireFox, I have to go to Internet, and in that level, I see the firefox icon, but it is called "Web Browser". Only when I hover over it do I see FireFox in very small letters underneath that. However, SwiftFox is SwiftFox, not Web Browser. So I guess it only works for some (default) programs.

Desktop effects (compiz) seems to be turned on by default. This actually makes things a bit slower for me and I'm not sure why as it doesn't make things (like moving windows around) any slower on normal KDE with compiz enabled. And this is only with one of three effects turned on (and the effect is "Improved WIndow Management" out of the other two "Shadows" and "Various Animations") When I turn off desktop effects and hit apply, the taskbar disappears. When I turn it back on, the screen goes black and it waits for me to hit the Accept Settings, which I can't since I can't see anything. So now I am stuck without desktop effects. (BUGGY!!!)


Note: I have no problems running desktop effects in KDE 3.5 or Gnome.

The System Settings menu is pretty much the same as in 3.5. Appearance, Desktop, Notifications, Splash Screen, Window Behavior, About Me, Accessibility, Default Apps, Regional & Language, Network Settings, Sharing (Samba), Date/Time, Display, Joystick, Keyboard & Mouse, Sound.

One odd thing is when I go into Display/Power Control. The labelling is a bit misleading. "Settings for display power management". Options are: "Standby After...", "Suspend After...", "Power Off After..." Power Off After? My monitor is from around 1997. Do newer monitors have the ability to be powered off by the computer?? Did I miss something?

Konqueror looks REALLY nice this time around. The contrast is great, it looks streamlined and it renders web pages beautifully. It also seems to be the default file manager for KDE4.

Actually, most KDE4 native applications look really nice.

Overall, KDE4 looks like it could be something really nice. Unfortunately, I think the graphic designers for it are trying a little too hard to emulate other operating systems, which I think is a wrong direction to go. We (the users) want innovation, not imitation. It's looking a lot more streamlined (one of the reasons I like KDE over Gnome anyway). It is not memory intensive. Just booting up into KDE4 with nothing running (just the basic services), this is the memory useage:

             total       used       free     shared    buffers     cached
Mem:       3793264    3524452     268812          0     219972    2913972
-/+ buffers/cache:     390508    3402756
Swap:      3028212      29924    2998288

Not bad at all. But so far it has nothing in it that would make me stick with it and not KDE 3.5. It does, unfortunately, integrate itself into my KDE 3.5 menus and vice versa. The same way Gnome does to KDE and vice versa. It'd be nice if it didn't but.. *shrug*

A major bug I found for this release so far aside from what I have already posted is that kdesu does not accept my password. So any time I try to start a KDE program with root privs, it tells me my password is incorrect!! Major bug.

Well, back to KDE 3.5 for me. I will continue upgrading KDE4 from the repositories as new updates come out, but I don't think it will be very useable until at least 4.1 - it feels as though this release was rushed and until it doesn't feel that way, I see no reason to use it other than beta testing.

A Pointed Pointless Rant On The General Populace And New Yorkers

So why is it that New Yorkers are happy climbing over one another all day long? Every time I come to visit my parents in New York (Brooklyn), it just seems like most people spend a large portion of their lives and income to appear better off than they are. Each year, it seems like people get a little more crazy and space gets a little harder to find.

Now, I live in Madison, WI and it's not as though we don't have these types of people there. Usually they assimilate to the more laid back lifestyle of Madison and after a few months, chill out quite a bit. But coming back to New York is like stepping off the plane and into another dimension where emulating unrealistic television and music personalities is derictive numero uno. And for some reason, I notice it more on women than I do men. Women here seem to do everything they can to keep up with fashion to the point where it just looks like they're trying way too hard and no longer comprehend how ridiculous the end result has become. Sadly they seem to all have become poor Paris Hilton emulations complete with yappy little dogs and accessories for their accessories, all being carried along in luxury SUVs with nowhere to park them. The dudes here have become perfect charicatures of the type of men you'd imagine finiancially supporting these primadonnas. Also, it seems as though lately the men have started using more hair styling products than the ladies, if that's possible. The feminization of men in general is certainly a topic for a whole other post, though.

I did grow up here in Brooklyn, and I am not sure if it was always this way. I'm pretty sure women in NY have not always acted like this though. They seemed somewhat more down to earth in the past (I have not lived in NY for about 6 years or so). But now, everywhere you go, women around here behave as though they're perpetually walking down the red carpet. I am guessing these are individuals who as teens roved around the malls wearing T-shirts that mentioned the word "Bitch" on them somewhere. It's irritatingly alarming to see that some things never change regardless of age. And so when you transplant these "porn-y" looking walking billboards to any other part of the country that is not as densely populated, they just become obnoxious people not really worth knowing (i.e. not worth taking the time to get through all the layers of ridiculousness to find that there is no soul inside)

On the campus over in Wisconsin, whenever these people take their CR-V's or Rav4's and move to Madison, the only people they end up hanging out with are other East coasters because no one else is able to stand them. And as I've said, that sort of thing doesn't go away with age. People from New York love "being from New York" because... they're... you know... from New York. People from New York love spending money on expensive cars (well leasing them, really) to ensure that others know they "own" expensive cars. Young men from New York all look like walk-offs from a hip-hop video. And I'm not talking about good hip-hop. I'm talking about the blingy Top 40 bullshit you see on MTV when MTV decides to show some videos. Young men blowing their credit to lease large trucks for a few months until they can't pay for them anymore and get them repo'd. But what the hell, you get seen pushing a Navigator for a few months, right? That's bound to make you king in your neck of the hood, right? Make sure you got the cap tilted to the side, playa. We might mistake you for someone who's not oozing "fresh" wherever you go. The High School girlies must be begging to stand next to your leased Tahoe. Just like the rest of your homies have. Oh, wait. Never mind, you stand out because you've got the Italian colors on the back of yours. My bad.

And yeah, I realize it's all an act, and magnified countlessly due to the population density. But one would think that as these people grew up a little, they'd also wisen up a little. But like the 40 year old who still wears his High School jacket, this doesn't seem to be the case. The only difference is the disposable income might get a little higher, so the toys might get a little "blingier", but the game remains the same. And if this is happening throughout the country, it's no wonder debt is so high. Today, sitting in traffic coming back from Jersey to Brooklyn, every other vehicle was an SUV. And we're not talking about a Ford Explorer or a Jeep Wrangler. We're talking Audi, Volvo, Saab, Porsche, etc. And it's obvious that people in New York are not all independently wealthy, but you'd never know it if you just go by what the cars are that people drive. All I could think is that these poor bastards are all chained at the neck to these vehicles, their clothing, their multitudes of gadgetry and the monthly bills that are generated from carrying on this sort of lifestyle. And all they talk about is money money money, how to get more of it, how to spend more of it, how much they might have, etc.

It seems that every year, people in general are losing more and more of their common sense and are all increasingly subscribing to the impulse buy lifestyle. This is certainly not contained to New York or even large cities in general as I am seeing it more and more in people in Madison as well. And it's not only that it's the succeeding that are subscribing to this sort of thing. It includes everyone. It's as though everyone has gotten a common social cue either from television or radio to go out and buy everything they can, wether they need it or not, budget be damned. It's immediately evident with SUVs (I'm pretty sure the housewife in the Ford Expedition is not going offroading any time soon), and consumer gadgets. But it's also evident on a more personal level, when you look at the lifestyles people around you (and me) lead. Modesty is a thing of the past with most people. The social climate these days is to burn your checkbook at both ends in order to try and attain the lifestyle that television tells you that you need to be living. It's as though people have lost the ability to separate reality (their life) from fantasy (people on TV). It seems that people on TV are living the life that everyone but YOU is living and that must be depressing. So what's the answer? BUY, BUY, BUY. Consume more and more until you achieve that lifestyle. But in the end, with all your money spent, and all of the money that the creditors lent you spent, you're still just another depressed looking face sitting in your luxury SUV in bumper to bumper traffic on your commute to or from work and not exactly living out the American Dream (television lifestyle). And the cycle is perpetual because what's to get you out of that depression? Spending more moeny, of course. Back to the mall.

I will use my parents as an example. They go to the mall (Woodbridge, NJ) to buy clothing and other goods. While I'm with them, I try to point out a few things I think they might care about. For instance, they find no problem with spending $60+ on a pair of jeans. I tell them I can find the same pair of jeans, unworn (with all the tags still on them) at my local thrift store for $5. They ask me if I want to always look like a homeless person. (I don't look like a homeless person.) I then tell them that the jeans were made in a country that promotes child labor and sweatshops and probably cost $5 to make, if that. They wave their hand at me and ask me why should they care. "Why should they care about child labor and sweatshops???!!! What?! Why WOULDN'T ANYONE care?!" I think to myself. But then I realize I'm at the mall and nothing here is made in a country that doesn't support this sort of thing. Scratch that, in Macys I did find a pair of jeans made in the US, but they were $178. And I also realized that most of the people shopping were probably dimly aware of the practices they were perpetuating by supporting this sort of business model, but cared more about the clothing and the fact that they were not paying $178 for a pair of jeans thanks to children in China.

Now keep in mind, I would never tell them what to buy. It's their money and they're free to spend it how they choose to spend it. And it's the same with everyone else. If you want to blow your paycheck on a fat gold chain and some rims for your truck, be my guest. I can't tell you not to. But it just seems to me that these people are not living realistically. They are living exactly the way marketers want them to live. See it on TV, go buy it at your local retailer.

I know it sounds like I'm complaining, but I'm really not. I feel like someone who is walking around, and seeing that everyone is tuned into a completely different frequency. And the information being downloaded is a false message of rampant consumerism without any real personal gain. Religion deals a lot with these topics, but I'd rather not touch on religion for this rant as it has a lot of its own problems and rarely if ever seems to get people to see the real problem (which reminds me of the little crucifix hanging off the rearview of a Mercedes Benz SUV parked outside of my parent's apartment building. I doubt Jesus would drive a Benz SUV). I feel like screaming out "WAKE UP! WAKE UP! YOURE WALKING THROUGH LIFE IN A DREAM-STATE! EVERYTHING YOU THINK, SAY OR DO IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY A CORPORATE SPONSOR". But since I'm not on TV, I doubt my message would get through to anyone. The people that ARE on TV have got the general populace hook, line and sinker. Every new wave of gadget, television, automobile, clothing, accessory, food craze, diet craze, book, etc that comes out has to be purchased before it's mass-adopted. And the speed at which culture is mass-adopted these days is a week to a month, thanks to mass-communication mediums such as the internet and television. Trends are realized, dissected and adopted with such great speed that by the time you've heard of a new cell phone, SUV or sneaker, everyone around you already has it. So is the answer to buy everything all the time? To always keep your ear to the ground of mass-media to be the first on your block with the newest sidekick? It's impossible, but people spend a large portion of their lives trying to accomplish just that, and it's certainly much more evident here in New York.

The Legend Of Zelda - Phantom Hourglass

Princess Zelda done got her ass in trouble yet again! Why can't she just sit at home and make some pie!? Well, this time around, Link seems to be a mute and has to employ an interpreter in order to speak for him and act as guidedog and friend. The new employee takes the form of a fuzzy ball with two sets of wings.

Now that's no joke! Mr. T would probably laugh at this game and pity it, calling it a fool. He would also promise to reign pain down on the developers who have feminized the franchise in such a heinous fashion. But then again, speaking of fashion, Mr. T also wore purple leg warmers in the 80's, I have proof.

So this time around, this new Zelda adventure takes place on the Nintendo DS. The game designers decided that using the D-Pad is too 2006 and instead have you using the stylus to move a nicely cell-shaded link around the screen and sliding the stylus this way and that to use your main and secondary weapons (You know.. sword, bombs, boomerang, arrows, etc).

Now I know. I KNOW! You're thinking to yourself: "This is the worst idea since tornados in can." And if I didn't try it for myself, brothers and sisters, I would be apt to agree with you. However, it works. YES! IT WORKS!! I don't know how the designers did it, but this crazy, half-baked control idea works. Yep, it blew me away too.

Now, I had a little (a lot of) time on my hands to try this game out and am currently smack dab in the middle of it, so I decided to throw down a little review for you. I have loved every Zelda game that I've tried in the franchise (except, of course, Zelda 2 for the NES. That blew.) I can't say that this one is my favorite. That would be the Zelda for the Super NES. But it's certainly up there. It might be because the graphics are very nice (as nice as Nintendo 64 gets). It might be because of the unique control design. It's not because of the storyline or the dialog, since that seems to be made for a 6 year old to giggle about. I can't put my finger on what specifically it is about this game that I do enjoy so much but it does have my dumb ass leading Link via the stylus for hours on end.

The puzzles in this game are not hard. They've actually all been pretty damn easy so far. I don't know if the designers weren't trying very hard, or they were aiming at an audience that don't have as many years under their ever-expanding belt, or perhaps they didn't want me throwing my DS into a wall and then defecating on it. In fact, I'm guessing it's number 3. So each main stage is a castle or dungeon or whatever you want to call it. And the stage is made up of multiple levels. You know, like all Zelda games. And like all Zelda games, you have to figure out how to cross a bridge by touching switches, or make switches light up at the same time, blow some candles out (using your actual mouth, blowing into the microphone) and battling some way-too-easy bosses using way-too-easy pattern attacks. Now, having said that, you would think this game would be done in a few hours. But this, sadly, is not the case. I have been in this game for over 12 hours and I feel as though I am only halfway there, if even.

You have to collect these power gems, which somehow connect to some power spirits or something fruity like that. My memory is shot from family-produced holiday food and 6+ cups of high octane coffee per day for the last week. But once you collect enough power gems (spirit gems?) of each kind, you gain that spirit's power and use it for your own. Sounds easy enough right? Well, you have to take these power gems as you collect them to some power fairy or something (I'm getting keen to the Japanese style of femininity in all aspects of their lives). So I took what I thought was a killer amount of gems to this dame, only to be told I'm doing good, but I need like 6 more, or something. Frustrating, to say the least. But this does tell me there's a lot more game left, considering how much I've covered already.

Oh, a large part of this game is also travelling by boat to random places on your map. There are 4 sections of a sea map (NW, NE, SW, SE) that you can travel to, and you use your stylus to plot a course, and the ship's captain who is also an NPC in the game, takes you there. While travelling you have to battle sea creatures wih your cannon. You also have to (yes, you are reading correctly) jump your boat over enemy obstacles. Apparently there's a way to warp from place to place by drawing some crap on a tablet with your stylus, but I still have to meet some golden frogs and shoot them with my cannon to get their attention and draw correctly for them to warp me in a whirlpool or a typhoon or something. WHAT?! YEAH!!

One thing I really liked about this game is the ability to use your stylus to do so many things. You trace the path of your boomerang with it, you draw stuff on your map (like you can mark where treasures are), solve riddles by plotting out your map with it, you can hit enemies by tapping them, make circle attacks by making circles around Link, pick up stuff by tapping it, throw stuff, etc. Nintendo programmers continue being innovative with DS interaction and I like it!

All in all, I would suggest buying this game. The graphics are very nice (though the FMV sequences show lots of N64-style graininess on the polygon skins). The control is unique and does not get tiresome. The levels are somewhat challenging, although thus far, I have not worried that I will not be able to complete one going into them. The bosses are a little too easy, which I would consider a weakness in this game. Dialog is not too lengthy which is nice. The NPCs tell you what you need to know and send your ass on your way. The game could use a bit more humor (as in Link-deprecating humor from NPCs) HAH! A deprecated link. I'm funny.

I give this game 4 out of 5 bananas.

ASCII Art - The Hobby That Never Was

So I would like to take you on a mini journey into the creepy and depressing world
of

 
                                     _____
                                    |__.__|
       _____    _________  _______  ___.___     _____          __
      /  _  \  /   _____/ /   ___ \|   |   |   /  _  \________/  |_
     /  /_\  \ \_____  \ /    \  \/|   |   |  /  /_\  \_  __ \   __\
    /    |    \/        \\     \___|   |   | /    |    \  | \/|  |
    \_::.|___ /_.:::.___/ \.::.___ /:._|.:.| \::..|____/:.|   |._|

(Thanks to ASCII Art Dictionary Website)

For those of you too young to remember, or those who were not indoor kids in their youth,
ASCII art is defined by Wikipedia as:

an artistic medium that relies primarily on computers for presentation and consists of pictures pieced together from the 95 printable (from a total of 128) characters defined by the ASCII Standard from 1967 and ASCII compliant character sets with proprietary extended characters (beyond the 128 characters of the 7-bit standard ASCII). The term is also loosely used to refer to text based art in general.

So what does this tell us? Well, it's pictures made out of ASCII. If you've ever downloaded anything illegal in the past, you probably got an *.nfo file with the archive. They used to be referred to as readme files, but it seems that has gone the way of the floppy disk.

Also, if you've ever read a posting from NNTP-based newsgroups (alt.*, rec.*, comp.*, etc), you've probably seen some ners post these in their signature space. This is mainly done because newsgroups don't have graphics capabilities in posts. So, here we have to use our imaginations.

1. Signatures

Okay, so we've got that covered. Pictures made from ASCII. Let's start with some graphics people have used as signatures in newsgroups.

                         ''~``
                        ( o o )
+------------------.oooO--(_)--Oooo.------------------+
|                                                     |
|                    .oooO                            |
|                    (   )   Oooo.                    |
+---------------------\ (----(   )--------------------+
                       \_)    ) /
                             (_/

I have seen this used countless times in newsgroups. Yes, it's a dude hanging on a sign or a piece of plywood or something. The feet are rather large. This is funny. In 1991, this was in everyone's signature in the newsgroups.

One of the "rules" of signature ASCII was that it was preferable to keep it down to 4 or less lines. So here are a few (Thanks to ASCII Art Dictionary Website)

    -----------------------------------------------------------------
     o   \ o /  _ o         __|    \ /     |__        o _  \ o /   o
    /|\    |     /\   __\o    \o    |    o/    o/__   /\     |    /|\
    / \   / \   | \  /)  |    ( \  /o\  / )    |  (\  / |   / \   / \
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
                      o         _        _            _
           _o        /\_      _ \\o     (_)\__/o     (_)
         _< \_      _>(_)    (_)/<_       \_| \      _|/' \/
        (_)>(_)    (_)           (_)      (_)       (_)'  _\o_
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
         ___   __  ___  () ()      ___  _,_ _/|_
         __\\ (/_'// \)'||'|| ==== __\\'||\) ||
        ((_||_,_/)\\__,_||_||_    ((_||_||_  \|_

You get the picture. Usually there would be the person's info such as name/handle, contact info, some witty phrase, whatever.

2. Emoticons

The ubiquitous emoticon. :) Even my parents know what it is, and they still call Windows "AOL" as in "Did you boot into that Linux you installed or into AOL?" They don't know their OS from their elbow but they sure as hell know what an emoticon is. They don't even have to cock their head to the left. That's how well entrenched the emoticon is in our daily lives. :-/ But as creative as you think you might be in making emoticons, there have been people that havegone apeshit with them. 8-O What's that, you say? More creative than your ASCII representation of the emotion you feel at the end of your sentence? INDEED! Observe. (Thanks to AlienEntity Free Icons)

=):-)=   Abraham Lincoln
( <> .. <> )  Alienated
O:-)  Angel
0:-)  Angel
:-||  Angry, very
(:-&  Angry
>:-<  Angry
}: [  Angry, frustrated
;-(  Angry, or got a black eye
>:-(  Annoyed
|-|  Asleep
|I  Asleep
:C  Astonished
8-O  Astonished
@==  Atomic bomb
~:o  Baby
][  Back to back
(::()::)  Bandaid, meaning comfort
~==  Begins a flame (inflammatory message)
=^D  Big grin
|-D  Big laugh
?(  Black eye
?-(  Black eye
!-(  Black eye
:-{}  Blowing a kiss
: [  Bored, sad
: |  Bored, sad
%-6  Brain-dead
~=  Candle, with flame indicating inflammatory message
-=  Candle snuffed , end a flame message
:*)  Clowning
Q:-)  College graduate
%-(  Confused
:~/  Confused
:~-(  Crying
:\'  Crying
:,(  Crying
:\'(  Crying
;(  Crying
:.(  Crying
:\'-(  Crying
:\'-)  Crying, tears of happiness
8-#  Death
%-)  Dazed or silly
:-| :-|  Deja vu
]:->  Devil
]:-)  Devil, happy
<:>  Devilish expression
<:->  Devilish expression
>:->  Devil, very mischievous
>-)  Devilish wink
X-(  Died
:e  Disappointed
12x@>--->---  Dozen roses
:-e  Disappointed
<:-|  Dunce
<:-(  Dunce
<:|  Dunce
(:|  Egghead
~:-\  Elvis
~:\  Elvis
5:-)  Elvis
\_/  Empty glass
~~:-(  Especially hot flame message
:-6  Exhausted
}{  Face to face
O+  Female
~~:[  Flame, net
[:|  Frankenstein
[:-|  Frankenstein
P*  French kiss
8-[  Frayed nerves; overwrought
:-(  Frown
\~/  Full glass
>-<  Furious
>-<  Furious
>>:-<<  Furious
>-  Female
>-<  Furious
^ ^ ^  Giggles
|-{  Good grief!
%+{  Got beat up
:+(  Got punched in the nose
%\  Hangover
:^D  Happy, approval
:{  Having a hard time
d :-o  Hats off to you
:X  Hear no evil
^5  High five
( 8(|)  Homer
{{ }}  Hug, e.g. {{name of person being hugged}}
[]  Hug
((()))  Huggs, lots
()  Hugging
(( )):**  Hugs and kisses
%-}  Humorous or ironic
%-\  Hung over
IOHO  In Our Humble Opinion
:-|  Indifferent, bored or disgusted
%*}  Inebriated
8  Infinity
<:-)  Innocently asking dumb question
%-{  Ironic
:*  Kiss
:-*  Kiss
(:-*  Kiss
:x  Kiss
*  Kiss
=^*  Kisses
:-x  Kiss, or My lips are sealed
|-<>  Kiss, puckered up to kiss
:-><  Kiss, puckered up to kiss
+<||-)  Knight
/\/\/\  Laughter
:-D  Laughing
>:)  Little devil
:-9  Lips, licking
= X  Lips are sealed
:-?  Lips, licking or tongue in cheek
:( )  Loudmouth, talks all the time; or shouting
>:-<  Mad
O->  Male
:-  Male
>:-)  Mischievous devil
$-)  Money in mind, won money or thinking about money
+<:-|  Monk or nun
:-#  My lips are sealed; or someone wearing braces
:/)  Not funny
{}  No comment
:/i  No smoking
:-O  Open-mouthed, surprised
:-l  One-sided smile
:-j  One-sided smile
:-I  Pondering, or impartial
+O:-)  Pope, The Pope
+:-)  Priest
%(|:-)    Propeller-head
!-)  Proud of black eye
:-k  Puzzlement
=:-)  Punk, hosehead
(:-  Unsmiley
(:-(  Unsmiley
[:]  Robot
[:|]  Robot
@}->--  Rose
@>--->---  Rose, long stemmed
+<:-)  Religious leader
7:)  Ronald Reagan
7:^)  Ronald Reagan
:**:  Returning kiss
(:-)  Smiley variation
M:-)  Salute
*<:-)  Santa Claus
*<|:-)  Santa Claus, or a clown
*-)  Shot to death
:-Y  Side comment
:-p~  Smoker
8-o  Shocked
: (  Sad
:-V  Shouting
|-(  Sleepy, struggling to stay awake, or sleeping badly
|(  Sleepy (on late night email message)
:-\'|  Sniffles
:-]  Smiling blockhead; also sarcasm
:-}  Smile, mischievous
:-{)  Smile with moustache
:-{)}  Smile with moustache and beard
:-)  smiley Classic
(-:  Smile, left-handed, or smiley from the south
B:-)  Sunglasses on head
:`-(  Shedding a tear
O8-)  Starry-eyed angel
= O  Surprised
M-)  See no evil
M-), :X, :-M  See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil
O 8-)  Starry-eyed angel
|^o  Snoring
~ :-(  Steaming mad
: )  Smile
:->  Smile of happiness or sarcasm
:-,  Smirk
:-@  Screaming
:-d~  smoker, heavy
:-f  Sticking out tongue
:-Q~  Smoking
:-r  Sticking tongue out
:-M  Speak no evil
:-P  Sticking out tongue
:-p  Sticking tongue out
#:-o  Shocked
:~)  Sick, from a cold
:-~)  Sick, from a cold
:-~|  Sick, from a cold
~~~~8}  Snake
[:-]  Square head
:-o  Surprised look, or yawn
:-J  Tongue in cheek
-)  Tongue in cheek
:-Q  Tongue hanging out in disgust, or a smoker
:-Q  Tongue hanging out in disgust, or a smoker
2B|^2B  To be or not to be
:P  tongue,s ticking out
:-&  Tongue-tied
:-t  Unsmiley
:-[  Unsmiling; also criticism
(:-\  Very sad
:-c  Very sad
:-<  Very sad
[:-)  Wearing a Walkman
:>  What?
:@  What?
; )  Wink
; P  Wink with a raspberry
\')  Winky
\'-)  Winky
;-)  Winky
;-D  Winking and laughing
:-s  What?!
#-)  Wiped out, partied all night
8 :-)  Wizard
8)  Wide-eyed, or wearing glasses
8-)  Wide-eyed, or wearing glasses
>->  Winking devil
:-/  Wry face
}-)  Wry smile
:-i  Wry smile or half-smile
%-|  Worked all night
8-]  Wow!
-=#:-)  Wizard
8-|  Wide-eyed surprise
8-P  Yuck!
|-O  Yawn
>=^ P  Yuck

Obviously, someone has done their homework. Personally, I tend not to go beyond the old standby :) or :(

3. GRAPHIC TO ASCII

Now you've sat in your basement for the last 3 nights when you weren't at the factory packing boxes with styrofoam peants for 9.25 an hour, working on your signature masterpiece. You have created the perfect representation of a cow hopping over a fence in four lines. This will be a truly magnificent contribution to mankind in the form of... an ASCII cow jumping over an ASCII fence. Regardless of the lameness, you are overjoyed at the chance to share this harvest of mental seed with the rest of the planet.

You rabidly open up your newsreader and run to alt.ascii-art to post this godsend, only to see:

                                    ::WWWWWWWWWWWWKKWWWWKKDDDDKKDDKKKKWWKKKKKKWWWWii                
                                    LL######WWWW##############KKGGKKKKDDDDKKKKWW##WW;;              
                                ttEEWW####KK####KKEEEEWW##WWKK##GGKKDDLLWW##KKDDWWWWKK;;            
                              ..jjff####WW##KKLLWW######KKKKDDWWKKKKKKLL####LLDDWW####WW            
                              ;;ttLL##WW##KKGGWW######WW##DDDDGG##WWDDWWWWWWDDWW########tt          
                                ffWWWW##EEKKWW############WWGGGGDD##WW##WWWWKKKKWW######KK          
                              LL##########################WWDDDDGG##WWWWKK####KKDD########          
                              GGEE######################KKLLGGKKWWDDWWWWffKK##KKDDKK####WW..        
                              ffWW######################DDEEEEffffffffDDGGGG##EEGGKK######          
                            ..########################KKfftt;;,,..,,;;jjffttDDWWDDWWWW##GG          
                            ;;WW####################WWffjj;;::    ..,,;;;;,,;;LLWWEEKK##jj          
                            LLEEEEKK####WW##DDffffffii;;,,::........::,,,,,,,,;;EEDDWW##;;          
                          LL##WW##WWWW##WWjj,,,,;;,,,,,,::::......::::::,,::,,,,GGDDWW##..          
                      ..GGLL##DDffGGDDDD,,,,,,,,;;tttt,,............::::::,,,,;;DDKKWWWWii          
                    ffjjjj####LL,,,,;;ii;;,,,,,,;;;;,,iittii......::::::::,,,,iiWW##WW##..          
                  ..ffKK##WW####jjii;;tt;;,,::..,,jjLLffttjjtt::::::::,,,,,,;;ff######DD            
                      jjKK########KKttjj;;;;,,....;;ttDDDDDDjjtt,,,,,,,,,,,,;;GG######ff            
                    ..;;KK########LLjjttii;;,,....::iiii,,ttjjii,,,,,,ttjjLLDD##WW##KKtt            
                    ..LL##########ffjjiiii;;,,::......;;tttt,,;;..iiDDWWDDDDff##WW##LL;;            
                      LLKKWWWW####jjjj;;ii;;;;::....::::::..,,,,::jjiiii;;EEWWWWKKDDjj..            
                    ..DDWWWWEE##jjtttt;;ii;;;;,,....::......::::,,ii,,ttffttLLDDDDGG,,              
                    DDDDLLEEWWGGtttttt;;;;;;;;,,,,::::::..::::..;;;;,,,,;;;;iiGGLLii                
                  ttGGDDEEWWWW;;iitttt;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,::  ;;;;,,;;;;ttiiGGff                  
                  ttGGWWWW##ff;;;;ttjj;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,..;;::::..ii,,,,;;ttffGGff,,                  
                    LLKK##ff;;;;;;;;jj;;;;,,,,,,,,::::..,,tt::::ii,,;;iiffttttii::                  
                      LLGG;;;;,,;;;;jjii;;;;,,,,;;tt::....::ttfftt;;ii,,,,..;;..,,                  
                    ..ii,,;;,,,,,,;;;;ff;;,,,,,,::,,ffff;;,,;;iittttff  ,,  ,,  ii                  
                ::iitt,,,,;;,,,,,,;;;;jjjj;;,,,,,,::tt;;LLLLLLffttWWtt....  ::..,,                  
          ,,;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,::,,,,,,,,;;jjtt;;,,::::,,ttttjjffjjtt##,,..        ,,                  
..,,,,;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;jjii,,,,::::,,;;jjjj;;DDDD..        ::,,                  
;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,::::::,,::::::::,,,,,,;;iiffjj,,,,,,,,;;LLEEGGjjGG          ,,;;..                
,,,,,,,,;;;;;;,,,,::..::,,::..::::::::,,;;;;ttfffftt;;;;GGtt;;jjttii          ,,::..                
,,::....::,,;;;;;;,,,,,,,,::..::::::::::,,,,;;ffGGKKEEDDLLLLDDffii      ..    ii..                  
,,,,::....,,,,,,,,;;;;,,,,,,......::::..::::;;ttLLLLLLffffjjjjjj..    ,,      ,,  ..                
,,::::::..::,,......::,,,,,,,,::::......::::;;;;jjjjjjffffjjttjjjj,,..      ..,,                    
::::......::::............::::,,,,::::::::,,,,;;iijjffffjjjjjjffjjjjjj,,    ::;;                    
::........::..................::::::,,::::,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,jj;;;;;;iitt,,jj                      
....................................,,::..::,,::,,::::::,,,,,,ii,,,,,,,,,,;;jj,,          

Something is very obviously rotten in the town of Denmark, and you got the shaft! What can this be? HOW can this be? It took you 3 days to come up with 4 lines of perfectly placed ASCII and some bastard with a DOS converting program can make you look like an ass in less than a second! Yes, it's the talentless world of (in my opinion) graphic to ASCII conversion.

They can even do it to colored HTML and make you look like even more of a talentless hack, with your stupid cow and your stupid fence:

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUV
WXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQR
STUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMN
OPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJ
KLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEF
GHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZAB
CDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWX
YZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRST
UVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOP
QRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJK
MNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGH
IJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCD
EFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUV
WXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQR
STUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMN
OPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJ
KLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEF
GHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZAB
CDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWX
YZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRST
UVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOP
QRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKL
MNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGH
IJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCD
EFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUV
WXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQR
STUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMN
OPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJ
KLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEF
GHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZAB
CDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWX
YZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRST
UVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOP
QRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKL
MNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGH
IJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCD

There is no love! You tear your hair out and go to bed. You can make HTML ART or ASCII ART from ANY graphic!

One can truly say that non-automated ASCII art creation is a lost artform. If anyone still makes these things, they are a dying if not dead art. I know I personally took days to make some decent and witty ASCII drawings for my signatures over the years and like text-based-browser-compliant websites, they're all gone. It's quite sad, really.

Here are some decent links to more than everything you've ever wanted to know about ASCII art...

Wikipedia Entry On ASCII Art


ASCII Art Dictionary


ASCII Art Generator (Great For Signatures)


Image To ASCII/HTML Converter


The Google Directory Of ASCII Art and Artists